Relationships

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People are inherently social, and we all benefit from developing strong relationships with those around us.

Relationships refer to all interpersonal connections in the school community that when strong, create trust, buffer stress, and elevate the potential of each individual to thrive in the school environment.

Mission Driven

Relationships are centered in the values, vision, and mission of the school. 

Connected Culture

The importance of relationships is embedded in the culture of the school. 

Trusted Adults

The school prioritizes all students having a trusted adult. 

Skill Building

Relationship skills are explicitly taught, supported, and practiced. 

Relationship-Centered Discipline 

Discipline practices center relationships.

Contextual Dynamics

Power dynamics are taken into account by school staff. 

• In what ways do the school's values, vision, and mission emphasize relationships and the importance of relationships?
• How are adults encouraged and enabled to create and sustain relationships with each student? With other adults?
• How do staff support and scaffold student relationships in developmentally appropriate ways?  

Mindsets

• Staff believe in the importance of relationships.
• Staff understand that relationships are bidirectional. In other words, staff and students both agree the existing relationship is healthy and both are working to maintain it.

Skills and Practices

• Leadership communicates the importance of relationships through words and actions. 
• Leadership creates opportunities for staff to develop relationships with students and each other. 

• How does the school climate and culture prioritize relationships?  
• How does the culture prioritize skill-building, vulnerability, authenticity, normalize mistakes, growth, and repair?
• How are staff encouraged to build relationships with their students?
• How do staff interact with their students?
• How do adults interact with other adults (colleagues, families, administrators, etc.) in the community? 

Mindsets

• Staff believe that no matter where a student is in the school building, they should feel connected to someone.
• Staff believe that time spent prioritizing relationships isn't lost time but a valuable investment. 

Skills and Practices

• Staff weave relationship building strategies and opportunities throughout their instruction.
• The environment facilitates relationships - there is a staff lounge, cafeteria, workspaces, library, etc. that are accessible for youth.
• There is time in the day for students and staff to connect. 

• Does every person have at least one trusted person that they can go to?
• Does the school support all staff having at least one other staff member they can reach out to for support?
• Does every student have a trusted adult in the school or community? How would the school know which students have meaningful connections with others in the community? How would they know which students don't?
• How does the school prioritize relationships and connections? 

Mindsets

• Staff know that supportive adult relationships are key for developing student resilience.
• Staff believe that every student needs and deserves respectful, appropriate, reciprocal relationships.
• Staff know that being a trusted adult includes modeling and respecting appropriate boundaries.

Skills and Practices

• Schools have a system for identifying and discussing which students do and do not have connections within the community.
• Teachers actively work to build connections with all students over the course of the semester or year.

• How does the school facilitate understanding and provide resources that adult SEL and adult well-being are necessary for high-quality relationships?
• Does the school climate and culture use a relationship-focused mindset – a strengths-based mindset, curiosity about experiences and behaviors, consideration of individuals having skill deficits first, depersonalizing the behavior?
• Do staff have and utilize skills necessary for relationship building?  Are staff supported to use effective relationship-building skills?  Which skills are commonly seen in the building?  Which skills are still emerging? 
• What supports are provided for staff to develop positive relationships - possibly including time, training, modeling, and coaching? 
• Do you understand where the skill gaps are (are there common skill gaps or lagging skills) among grade levels or other groupings?
• Do you model regulation and co-regulation strategies?

Mindsets

• School staff know that developing relationships takes skills, some of which they may possess intuitively, and some of which may require instruction and practice.
• School staff know that learning to build relationships with students is worth the investment of time and money.
• School staff acknowledge that we can all get better at building relationships - a growth mindset.
• School staff know that our skills will change from day to day, depending on other factors in our lives.
• School staff know that mistakes are part of being human, and that repair is an essential relationship skill for both students and staff.
• School staff believe that they are culpable in relationships.

Skills and Practices

• How are disciplinary practices relationship- focused?
• When a student exhibits challenging behavior, how do adults find out about underlying student needs?
• When is inclusionary discipline used?  When is exclusionary discipline used?
• Which elements of discipline are handled in by the classroom teacher?  When does behavior warrant administrative support?   

Mindsets

• Staff believe that all behavior is communication.
• Staff believe that most challenging behavior is a matter of a skill deficit, not a will deficit.
• Staff believe that all students have the right to a free and appropriate public education. 

Skills and Practices

• Staff utilize restorative circles and practices. 
• Administrators use inclusive alternatives to suspension and expulsion.

• In what ways are relationships in the building aware of and responsive to context and power dynamics that exist within individual relationships and relationships with and between systems?  
• Are there specific structures to build awareness and knowledge and facilitate vigilant awareness on personal, group and systemic levels of oppression and harm?
• Are there specific structures for repair when harm is done?  
• How do staff maintain appropriate boundaries while being warm and nurturing?
• How do you assess and analyze bias and assumptions around expected behavior?
• What role does control play in the ways you engage in adult/student relationships inside and outside the classroom?  

Mindsets

• School staff understand that racism, discrimination and oppression are active problems in our schools and communities.
• Staff are committed to equity.
• Staff know that our conscious and unconscious biases appear in our everyday actions.

Skills and Practices

• Staff listen to the experiences of youth.
• Staff reflect on their own positions of power and privilege, as well as the ways in which they may be marginalized.
• Staff apologize and model repair when they make mistakes (Circle back).